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The Vampire LifeI didn't plan to become a vampire. I mean, the whole not dying thing sounds nice and all, but I wasn't about to go hang around the "blood light district" or anything. It happened in the Safeway downtown of all places. Downtown San Jose varies between nice and scary over short distances, but over by the Paseo de San Antonio light rail station it usually tends more towards the college student/downtown professional side of things.
I saw him wandering around the supermarket in a daze. He was handsome in that weird, porcelain way some vampires are, which doesn't translate to photographs because it's partly some weird pheromone thing. He was carrying a six-pack of that blood substitute stuff, which was the only thing a vampire could possibly need from Safeway apart from, like, light bulbs I guess. However much the vampire rights advocates on TV say they're perfectly safe, I can't help feeling uneasy around them. That's a rational reaction in some ways. If you saw a guy who was 8 f
700 Catgirl NamesI am a huge fan of John Hodgman, especially his trilogy of Complete World Knowledge (Areas, More, and All). Each of these books has a list of 700 names of something (Hoboes, Mole-Men, and Ancient and Unspeakable Ones respectively), and I thought it would be fun to write a list of 700 catgirl names. I was wrong. Writing this list was a terrible idea that took several months and left my brain feeling as though someone had grabbed it and scraped out every last bit of goop they could possibly get out, and then just kept on scraping. And then I was at around 500 names. Since I actually did this thing, I have no choice but to share it with you, because that's just how things work.
Cat people (or homo felis) are one of many types of variant humans found all over the world, though female cat people, colloquially known as "catgirls," have a distinct mystique about them. (Dog-girls especially tend to resent this. The bitches.) This is in part
UFO Girl - Christmas MemoryUsually when alien/sci-fi stuff shows up in my life it's a source of aggravation. It might not reflect well on me, but my friends have learned that they can tell when I've spotted something alien by how I groan and rub my temples.
But on Christmas Eve, when I was 17, my cynicism turned out to be misplaced.
A package came in the mail, addressed to "Janet Q. Smith" (and no, I'm not telling you what my middle name is), without a return address. Though my "alien senses" were already tingling, I figured it was better to open the package and find out what I was dealing with rather than leave it be and let it do god-knows-what on its own.
About 95% of the box turned out to be wadded-up newspapers for padding, but in the midst of it all was a blue crystal that glowed faintly from within. There was something vaguely familiar about it, but I just couldn't place it. That drove me crazy. I held it up to the light, looked at it from different angles, and so on.
I let out a sigh. "So, what the hell
Otaku vs. ZombiesBryce woke to the sound of pounding on his door. He rolled over in bed and hoped it would go away. It didn't. He picked himself up and shuffled to the door. Something fell over in the apartment. When he opened the door, Julie slipped inside and slammed the door.
"Zombies!" she cried.
"Morning," he mumbled.
"Zombies!" she repeated.
"You broke your paddle thing." He pointed at her wooden paddle, which had at one point said seme on it. It was broken, splintered, and splattered with red.
Julie looked at it, then up at him. "Bryce! Zombies!"
He stared at her.
She rolled her eyes. "Ugh! Coffee."
Bryce shuffled back to bed, and didn't stir until a pleasantly caffeinated smell drew him to the kitchen table. She handed him a large mug of life-giving brown liquid.
Julie was sitting across from him with her arms folded.
She took a deep breath. "ZOMBIES!"
Bryce jerked backwards and spilled coffee on his chest and hands. "You don't have to shout!"
She thumped the remnants of her padd
Fairy Summoning 102There are those who believe that life operates according to some kind of plan or purpose. Reality is random and pernicious, and it is only the anthropocentric ability to formulate a narrative after the fact that keeps reality from appearing to be a maddening void of chaos. Or at least that's one theory. One that ran through Cecil's mind as, having gotten up early to lecture Melanie in the hopes of her behaving while he was at school, his mother told him that there was no school that day.
When he got back to his room, he found that Melanie had managed to spread most of the contents of his bookshelf on the floor.
"What're you doing?" he managed. It would take him an hour or more to get everything shelved and sorted again.
Melanie didn't answer. Instead she was holding a DVD-ROM, presumably pulled from a computer game, and was staring at its shiny surface. A moment later she took notice of him. Rather than granting him any kind of greeting, she scurried under the bed and then retur
Time BunnyI don't think I can properly explain this whole mess without explaining about my mom, and about how I was born. My mother is a metahuman, and she has two powers. She can make copies of herself, and she (and her copies) can shapeshift into any human or mostly-human form. You would think she'd become some kind of superspy or superhero or something else with "super" in it, but she's a writer, and doesn't like to fight. Most days she wakes up way too early, drinks a lot of tea, and spends the rest of the day alternately writing and napping.
Some metahumans have this thing about how their powers should only be used for the common good, but my mom just uses her powers whenever she feels like it. When I was in elementary school she'd have one of her copies walk me to and from school, and if she was pressed for time she'd send a second copy to buy groceries.
The thing about her is that she's not very good with people. She loves me a lot, and she has a bunch of really good friends, but if you f
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More